Stressed..
Finally finalized and sent everything today, so I can finally relax. *sigh* you'd think I'd be all excited cuz I'm going to university but I'm not. In fact, it's quite the opposite. It just hit me that I have never, in all my years of schooling, ever taken my schoolwork seriously. It's horrible!! Taking a little bit of notes in class, go home, fool around, eat dinner, sleep.. and then pull all nighters the night before my test and somehow miraculously end up with marks in the low to mid 80's. Somewhere along the line though, that method stopped working and then before you know it, it's application time and all you're marks are messed up @____@.
Is it just me or does everything seem so.. finalized? It's almost feels like I'm gonna be stuck with whatever field I chose, for better or worst, for the rest of my life. What really scares me though is that I don't really have a goal in life, so in a sense, it's like I have nothing to work for right now, which makes everything even more messy and complicated than it already is *tears* .
And then on of that, I have this whole family issue thing to worry about. I just feel so lost, and insignificant, and overwhelmed by everything and I honestly don't know how much more I can take of this. All this pressure and constant stress... it's enough to make anyone have a mental breakdown. Will things ever get better?
Not in the Mood
Okay, I don't feel like doing IP research. I really don't. Been looking for articles for my IP project for the past few hours, and what have I got? Nada, nothing, zip. Stencil's due tomorrow and what am I doing? I'm blogging, and stalling, and trying to put it off till the very last minute when I can't avoid not doing this stupid thing any longer. Why can't teachers just understand that I cannot do anything in advance? It just doesn't work that way!!! Try as I might, I just can't focus as well as I do when it comes to last minute crammage. I end up over analysing every single stupid, pointless, sordid detail until nothing makes sense to me anymore. All my points end up conflicting with one another, so I usually have no choice but to rewrite the whole damn thing the night before it's due anyways 0___o;
See? What'd I tell ya? All that advance work I do usually ends up going down the drain because I think too much, so why do I even bother? Argh, whatever, I'll finnish this tomorrow morning.
It Hurts to Laugh
No, seriously it really does. You have no idea how having a bandaid taped over your eye really limits your facial expressions. Guess I'm just lucky I didn't end up blind. Didn't need stitches either, thankfully, so my chance of being scarred just went down considerably. Just can't let it get infected >_______<
Life lesson of the day: never, ever leave your school bag lying around in the middle of the room. you just might trip on it and wind up losing your right eye (0____o;;). *sigh*
That's one load off my shoulders..
Okie, I feel better now. Despite my better judgement, I went and checked my R-Score. Sheesh, people were talking about everywhere I went. So glad that I stressed over nothing. My R-Score went up!!! Heehee, so proud of myself. It could have gone up even more though if it wasn't for that one stupid, stupid misunderstanding I had >___<. OMG... don't think I'll ever get over that... such and idiot... how could I just mess up my marks for the entire semester for that class like that???
Anyways... the application deadline is slowly approaching and surprize, surprize... still haven't applied yet. I know where I want to go, it's just... I don't know what to take and it all feels so.. permanent... Like I'm gonna be stuck with whatever it is I pick for the rest of my life. What if I choose something and end up hating it??? I know I can still switch, but I don't want to end up 30 years old and still in school cuz I can't pick something! *whines* Now I'm getting a headache. This is happening more often lately than I'd like. Stupid applications... everytime this happens... *sigh*
I feel so lost... Maybe I'll be a golddigger and just leach off some rich guy. Of course, that rich guy will have to love me more than I love him, so he won't cheat on me and will get me everything I want. Haha, yep... that's my back-up plan ^^.
School is so depressing lately. Was just talking to Sheryl about it and yah... school's just not fun anymore! It use to be great: every morning, I'd wake up, eat breakfast, brush my teeth, get dressed, get on the bus, gossip, "shared" homework answers, read comic books, arrive at school, hang out at the school yard till the bell rings, go to class, get praised for being such a perfect student, play four-corners/hopscotch at recess, go back to class, get more praises and perfect test scores (hmph.. I use to be smart... and then high school and college happened...), occasionally leave something unfinnished so I get to stay in at lunch and not have to get my butt freezed off by the harsh woes of winter, goof off in art/music class, and before you know it, the day is over... Sheesh, we had it so much easier back then...
wasabi_luv@hotmail.com